Connect with us

CELEBRITY

Taylor Swift acquired another luxurious cat following the loss of her previous one, expressing, “I’m a huge cat enthusiast; I adore having them around me. I couldn’t care less about the criticism from haters. Cats bring me joy, and that’s what matters.”

Published

on

The Secret Diary of Taylor Swift’s Cat, aged 10¾.

Other partners have come and gone but I’ve been at the singer’s side for a decade, as her favourite furry friend – and this is our story.

The truth is I’ve never been able to stand her. That faux-sweetness. The permanent victim status. The confected gratitude as she tours the world and goes to bed in a pit of money. People think she’s humble, but she’s never met a mirror she didn’t like. A renowned monogamist? Yeah, and I’m a Bichon Frisé… She has men come and go all through the day, satisfying her every craven desire. She is a monster, a hack, a trashy little fame whore. And it’s about time we all woke up to it.

Who is ‘she’, you ask, the cat’s grandmother? No, my grandmother was a saint. I refer, of course, to Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld’s blue-eyed Birman, often touted as one of the ‘richest cats in the world’. (The most well-PR’d cat in the world, more to the point.)

In rankings of famous cats, I’m forever number two, despite my fortune being a reported $97 million (eclipsing her estimated $13 million). But at least my conscience is clear. Tell me, who was the last person to see Lagerfeld alive? And who ended up left with a meaty portion of his fortune in the will? I’m not accusing anyone of anything. I’m just asking questions, that’s all.

For those unaware, I have been the primary cat companion of the global superstar Taylor Alison Swift for 10 years this summer.

In June 2014, when I was just a kitten, Lady Swift posted a photograph on Instagram of me, gazing back at her from her lap. ‘Meet Olivia Benson,’ she wrote, and, not for the first time, I broke the internet.

OMG what kind of cat is that?! I want one!’ fans would scream. The official answer is that I am a Scottish Fold, a valuable and distinctive breed of domestic cat due to our ‘folded’ ears, caused by a dominant gene mutation associated with osteochondrodysplasia. The unofficial answer is that I’m one of a kind, so back off and good luck, sister.

The name Olivia Benson was given to me in honour of the lead character in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a show Lady Swift is a great fan of. Is it funny that everyone calls her Tay Tay, which sounds more like a cat than a grown woman, but my name sounds more like a grown woman than a cat? I don’t think that’s funny.

Whether I’ve since outgrown that character and become the more famous Olivia Benson is not for me to say, but I’ll just point out that anyone who denies it isn’t a serious person. I met the other ‘Olivia’ once. She’s smaller than she looks on TV.

only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.’

Well that’s essentially what happens with Lady Swift. When I need her most, she carries me. And if she tries to put me in a cat carrier, I claw her eyes out. It’s simple.

The music videos I’ve appeared in have been a real highlight, especially for my fans. I did Blank Space, Me! and Karma, as well as appearing in the documentary Miss Americana. Whenever Lady Swift needs a little boost, whenever her popularity is waning and Beyoncé has the upper hand, she tends to reach for a touch of the Livvy-B magic, as I call it but nobody else does, and only a little sprinkle does the job. I do not play live with her on tour; they cannot afford my rider or grooming budget.

But there have been low points, too. People are not always kind. They dismiss my entire existence as being pointless, saying I’m rich and famous for no reason other than who I’m related to, and that I should get a life. To which I say: you’re one to talk, you’re halfway through a ghost-written article imagining the life of a celebrity cat.

It’s true I have not liked all the boyfriends, or even bothered to learn all their names – though I do like that I am worth twice as much as Lady Swift’s latest plaything, Travis Kelce.

I also didn’t enjoy it when Ed Sheeran bought his own Scottish Fold, an absolute letch called Calippo, and a surge in popularity led to the British Veterinary Association calling for a ban on breeding Scottish Folds. I asked Lady Swift to pay for the BVA’s headquarters to be firebombed in response. She claimed not to understand me. I told her I am Scottish, not Martian.

Then there was the movie Cats. Oh lord, Cats. She told me about it and I thought it was a joke. I said, ‘With the greatest respect, my lady, are you outside of your mind? They’re having to CGI Jason Derulo’s penis out of a scene involving Dame Judi Dench and James Corden. How can you think this is a good thing?’

But again she didn’t listen. I actually knew the cat Mr Mistoffelees was based on. It wasn’t ‘magical powers’ that made him dance constantly, I can tell you…

Generally, though, I look back on the past decade with Lady Swift and think, ‘Only 10 years? It feels more like half a century.’ Then people remind me that 10 human years equate to 56 cat years and I relax a little, especially because that means Choupette is nearly 70 and thus approaching death.

Lady Swift has had many Eras since we first met. She has reinvented herself and grown as a person, as a star, but through it all she has remained a Cat Lady. And for that I’m grateful. Now, I will close on a poem about cats, written by Emily Dickinson, who it turns out is a distant yet predictable relation of Lady Swift herself.

She sights a Bird – she chuckles – /She flattens – then she crawls

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CELEBRITY11 hours ago

Blue Ivy, 13, Channels Her Name with Cobalt Gown in Glam 2025 Grammys Appearance Alongside Parents Beyoncé and Jay-

CELEBRITY12 hours ago

Kanye West reportedly reached out to the GRAMMYs, eager for a chance to be photographed with Taylor Swift on the red carpet, but his request was turned down.

CELEBRITY4 days ago

Everyone Welcome Newest Member Of Chiefs Kingdom Joel Is Here To Witness The Historic Three Peat Just In Time‼️♥️💛

CELEBRITY4 days ago

Josh Allen Announces Shocking Retirement: NFL Superstar Opens Up About His Desire for Privacy and a Quiet Life with Family—Will He Reconsider, or Is This the End of His Career?

CELEBRITY5 days ago

Taylor Swift Issued A Strict Warning To Travis Kelce Ahead Of Super Bowl LIX In New Orleans

CELEBRITY5 days ago

Mahomes’ Third Child, GOLDEN RAYE, Makes an Adorable Picture Perfect Entrance, Shared by Proud Parents Patrick Mahomes and Brittany Mahomes

CELEBRITY5 days ago

Kylie Kelce Proudly Shares Adorable First Sneak Peek of the Shirts Her Girls Will Wear for the Super Bowl: “The Kelce Girls Will Be Wearing ‘Go Uncle Travvy’ and ‘Go Auntie Taylor’s Boyfriend’ Shirts” – Snubbing Their Dad Jason Kelce’s Former Team, the Eagles

CELEBRITY5 days ago

Taylor Swift Pre-Grammy Outfit Ahead of highly anticipated 67th Annual Grammy Awards in 2025,Turns Heads in Kansas City[PHOTOS]👇

CELEBRITY5 days ago

“IT’LL BE THE ONLY SUPERBOWL HALFTIME I HAVE SKIPPED,” one user commented. 🤯 More about Super Bowl 2025 performers is in the comments.👇

CELEBRITY6 days ago

Bronze, the son of Patrick Mahomes, receives a unique present from an unusual Chiefs player

CELEBRITY6 days ago

Breaking news: Travis Kelce in tears as he mourns the tragic passing of his beloved girlfriend… following the Chiefs’ victory.

CELEBRITY6 days ago

Travis Kelce Reveals the Real Reason for Marriage Delay with Taylor Swift – Blames His Mom for Everything

Copyright © 2024 Ventzy24